Wacky Warning Labels Save lives and Provide Laughs

Don't clean your kids in the washing machine. Don't dry your cell phone in the microwave. And be sure not to read the phone book while driving. Those are among the winning entries in this year's Wacky Warning Label Contest, run by an anti-lawsuit group.

The Wacky Warning contest winners were chosen from about 150 nominations received by Michigan Lawsuit Abuse Watch, said the group's president, Robert B. Dorigo Jones. The group picked five finalists, and callers to WOMC-FM's Dick Purtan show chose the winners.

The top vote-getter was a warning tag from a front-load washing machine.

"DO NOT put any person in this washer," it read.

Second place went to a warning on a personal watercraft that said, "Never use a lit match or open flame to check fuel level."

There was a tie for third place between a statement on a Super Lotto ticket that said, "Do not iron," and a warning on a cell phone that said, "Don't try to dry your phone in a microwave oven."

Honorable mention went to a telephone directory with the cover statement, "Please do not use this directory while operating a moving vehicle."

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Your Wedding May Not Be The Best Time For jokes

Wedding jokes aren't always funny. When a bride in Austria jokingly answered "no" instead of "yes" when asked if she wanted to marry her husband-to-be, the official performing the civil wedding promptly broke off the ceremony.

Not even the bride's sobs could reverse the decision and the couple had to wait two and a half months before they could give it another - successful - try, the Austrian newspaper Oberoesterreichischen Nachrichten reported Friday.

Officials at the registry office in the city of Steyr where the mishap occurred declined to comment directly but noted the incident was highly unusual, according to the newspaper.

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Funny Crime Stories From 2006

In September Jacksonville police found a 22-year-old auto theft suspect hanging out of the ceiling of a Sheriff's Office interview room. Left alone in the room, the 5-foot-7, 135-pound Jacksonville man tried to tunnel his way to freedom by removing ceiling tiles and crawling into the rafters. Instead, police charged him with attempting to escape and criminal mischief for $5,000 damage to the building.

Also from Jacksonville, police answered a call from an Arlington man who reported he'd battered his wife and needed officers to come to their home. When police got there, the man's wife said he hadn't hit her and was trying "anything and everything" to get out of the house, including claiming he'd committed a crime so he could go see his girlfriend. The 35-year-old man finally told police, "I will say whatever it takes for you to arrest me and take me to jail. Just get me away from her."

When the cops catch you with cocaine, you need a rock solid defense. Chicago residents provide a couple pretty good examples. First there's the "we-were-out-of-coffee" defense. A 38-year-old man caught with cocaine in October said he worked two jobs and used the drugs to help him stay awake.

That's topped by the "my-kids-made-me-do-it" explanation a 25-year-old man offered after he was caught with cocaine in September. He told police he had gone back to using drugs because he was extremely upset after his 6-year-old was teased at school. He is officially banned from wearing "No. 1 Dad" hat.

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